>
>
>Discreetly clasp hold of someone's hand and whisper: 'can you feel it?'
>from the corner of your mouth
>
>Draw enormous genitalia on your notepad and discreetly show it to the
>person next to you for their approval
>
>When refreshments are presented, immediately distribute one biscuit to
>each of the attendees, then systematically smash each one with your fist
>in front of them
>
>Chew tobacco
>
>Wear a hands free phone headset throughout once in a while drift off
>into an unrelated conversation, such as: 'I don't care if there are no
>dwarfs,just get the show done!'
>
>Write the words 'he fancies you' on your pad and show it to the person
>next to you while indicating with your pen
>
>Respond to a serious question with: 'I don't know what to say, obviously
>I'm flattered, but it's all happened so fast'
>
>Use Nam style jargon such as 'what's the ETA?', 'who's on recon?' &
>Charlie don't surf'
>
>Reconstruct the meeting in front of you using action figures and when
>anyone moves re-arrange the figures accordingly
>
>Shave one of your forearms
>
>Draw a chalk circle around one of the chairs then avoid sitting on
>it, when the meeting starts. When someone does eventually sit in it,
>cover your mouth and gasp.
>
>Turn your back on the meeting and sit facing the window with your legs
>stretched out. Announce that you 'love this dirty town'
>
>Walk directly up to a colleague and stand nose to nose with him for 1
>minute
>
>Mount the desk and walk along its length before taking your seat
>
>Reflect sunlight into everyones eyes off your watch face
>
>Gargle with water
>
>Repeat every idea they express in a baby voice while moving your hand
>like a chattering mouth
>
>Gradually push yourself closer and closer to the door on your chair
>
>Hum throughout
>
>Pull out a large roll of bank notes and count them demonstratively
>
>Bend momentarily under the table then emerge wearing contact lenses that
>white out your eyes
>
>Drop meaningless & confusing management speak into conversations such
>as:'what's the margin, marvin?''When's this turkey going to get
>basted?''If we don't get this brook babbling we're all going to end up
>looking  like  doe-eyed labradors'
>
>Produce a hamster from your pocket and suggest throwing it to one
>another as a means of idea-exchange
>
>Use a large hunting knife to point at your visual aids
>
>Announce that you've run off some copies of the meeting agenda. Then
>hand out pieces of paper that read:
>My secret agenda
>1       Trample the weak
>2       Triumph alone
>3       Invade Poland
>Re-collect them sheepishly and ask everyone to pretend they haven't seen
>them
>
>Attempt to hypnotise the entire room using a pocket watch
>
>When referring to someone in the room always call them your
>'homey' or 'dog'
>
>Leave long pauses in your speech at random moments. When someone is
>prompted to interject shout 'I AM NOT FINISHED'